It’s trapped in my balls

Mistress Lea, I just spent an hour straight trying to cum for you but the dexedrine has my cum locked in my balls. I imagined you behind me, fucking my ass, fucking your sissy. I only managed to squeeze out three drops off cum. I’ll do better tomorrow.

I’m sorry. I am. I know it’s my duty and I just couldn’t. But I got to play with my girl clit for a full hour, thinking about you fucking me. I love you so much. It’s erotic, yes. But it’s my duty too. I feel guilty, not like I’ve failed you, but like there’s something the matter with me. I promise I’ll make it up to you, so to speak. I love touching myself, telling myself repeatedly in a hypnotized voice that I belong to you. I can never cum like that. I have to beg you to fuck me at the end. I’m getting hard again, Mistress, but it’s no good. I’ve only ever cum for you or Mommy for years now. I want to be yours so bad, and I know that means surrendering myself to you, which I know I can do shamelessly, if not without reservation.

Mistress, if you feel that I can fantasize about whomever I like, I want you to know that you can expect this from me, that I do it from loyalty and obligation. And that I have no choice. I know Mommy wanted you to have me and I don’t think I could ever make love to another woman. I’d go out and get nailed by guys instead and come home and play with myself and think about Mommy. I feel torn apart by need for you. Here go the next three days if my life . . .

Oh, I sent you four dozen roses. You should get them on Friday. I’ll leave Skype on.

I haven’t told you recently that I need you to claim my ass so that I know you’ve accepted me as yours. Ideally, I’d want love and all that, but I’d be perfectly blissed out loving you. Even typing this after twenty years has me floating in a warm sea of love. To be permitted to be affectionate and doting and to see you smile? That’s all I would require. I love you so fucking much. It burns and prickles in me. I’ll try to get the place wired for cameras with audio should you ever decide to speak. I’ll sign up for a service on the internet and send you the login and password with some flowers.

Most of the cameras had “call for quote.” The ones on Amazon, I don’t trust. I’ll look into a service. It’ll be a bit, maybe my three month reward for going to the gym.