You’ll see in time I’m truly yours, that I don’t just enjoy writing that again and again. I’ve felt beyond betrayed that you wouldn’t claim me given what I’ve been through and how I was so sure you felt. For the first time, I have some hope you’ll fall in love with me for some reason. I can make your life a paradise if you do. I promise, I will never stray again.
Oh, and Mistress, someone else told me today that you’re worried because of your age. I can’t believe that. Okay. I don’t look for sex. At all. Because my relationship with Mommy, in her mid-sixties, for a few years had a sexual component. Part of it is faith that my dick only belongs in Mommy’s pussy. But part is simply “Why?” I’ve been in love with you for over 20 years, Mistress Lea. It paints onto you perfectly. I remember from the few times I stopped by your office. Fifty-eight was my cutoff for an older woman when I was in my 20s. Seriously, your age is utterly fucking irrelevant, if you’ll excuse my language and my correcting you.
I tried for a half hour to coax my dick into spilling its cum but I couldn’t. My little girl clit is a cold tube of flesh wrapped in skin. I needed to recapture understanding that I belong to you. I do. It’s the truth. And the truth is immutable.
“No. I promise no. I’m not lying. You know that because my lips are moving. Good girl here.” She raised her hand, freeing a belt to clank on the tile floor. “Fuck me with that nub of yours.”
“Never will anything fill the void that’s within you now, only the taste of my pussy can keep you from going mad from a craving you’ll never be able to identify. You’ll die, Michael. You’ll fucking die. The screaming need will grow in your brain that you’ll learn, rationally, is sated by tasting Goddess’s ambrosia, will consume every waking moment until you’re weeping and jabbering for it to end and then, and only then, will you understand you need to suckle at my cunt. Now eat my fucking pussy! Goddess loves cumming again! Michael, Baby? Michael, Baby?”
I’ll be the mostly virgin I was when I met her and she’ll feed me the tea and ask questions. Then supply more appropriate answers that go into my head.
Life’s starting to change and I don’t want to write about it until the changes take place. One of these changes could leave me with quite a bit of money.
There was that one hallucination that got and remains shuffled off onto you, but we both know it’s not really you, just indistinguishable in my mind. Then there was Lauren who I loved for three weeks out of loneliness and realized the last day I didn’t. Then there was Grainne but, as my shrink noted, you can’t fall in love when there’s always a hang-up button four inches away, Then, over a period of two and a half years, I fell in love with Elaine.
I can’t think in complete sentences right now. No matter how hard I focus, I can’t string more than three together before it breaks off into a half-minute of gibberish that fades to silence.
I don’t want to be this person. It feels like a bunch of things I know are true but don’t experience. I hope we get a chance to find out who I am after ten years of not really being anybody.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t soak the alter to your pussy with my cum. I hope offering my ass up to the toy Mommy bought me can suffice instead.
I have spent, easily, seven hours tugging on my dick or stroking my toy in and out of my sissy slut hole just in the last three days, thinking about you, Mistress Lea. I was thinking about it. You will start to become Mommy when you begin to make decisions for me and I will start to accept it when I don’t have an inner, knee-jerk “but” reaction. When it feels natural to trust you to orchestrate my life.
I’ve taken my slut hole three days in a row — twice today. I’m going to try to repeat this three times, twelve days in sixteen, just as an experiment. So I can be sure that you can have my ass when you want.
It’s odd. There’s only one Mommy and, if you become her, you’ll have taken my virginity. You might be the last woman I ever sleep with. You’re the love of my life in the sense that the sun is a star in the sky. I have no pride with this. I know. And you’ll be a partner too. I will learn to believe anything you say, to feel anything you instruct me to, to behave in ways that please you once you gain some mastery manipulating the psychosis. You will be the sum of all things a woman can be to a man. And, again, without pride — it was stripped away so long ago — I have merely the experience of being me within a body and life you shape if you care to. Do you see the power you’ll have over me. Does it make sense that I need you to have it because that makes me feel safe? At the same time, does it make sense that I want you to use this power to make me a toy to you? While I touched myself the last two days, it was like I wasn’t even inside my own body, depersonalized and wiped to a blank slate, helpless in weariness. I was merely enjoying the sensations. My moving hand seemed a part of something separate. I was a passenger in my own body and I knew it was right. My mind,. my heart, my body, my soul. You could claim them as toys to keep me in an agony of longing. It makes me want to be an instrument of your will only I don’t experience my acts and words, I just observe them without opinion, the ghost that remains of Michael.
I was hearing things from low sleep today so I took a day mostly off. Drugging myself out tonight with anxiety medicine. Mistress Lea? Do you even believe I’ll always love you. I don’t see how you can question it.. I’ve loved you for twenty years and that was without you in my life. It’s an artifact of the insanity, but it is love and it will endure until I die.
Oh, and please always, always remember that the things I write and say without pride? I feel no humiliation at them whatsoever. I accept them as a part of me and, really, I absolutely love this part of me. And, really, is there anything humiliating about them when you look past the fact that I’m actually willing to say and write them:
I love dick. I know this because I was raped by a college wrestler with a penis bigger than mind for three hours. At first, i was begging him to stop. Then things got quiet, then they got loud again. For years, I didn’t know how to explain what I felt and how I was acting while he screwed me for the better part of three hours. I wanted to be his perfect whore.
Then Mommy took my ass. If it had been another woman, I would have felt corrupted. If it had been another man, I would have worried about being exclusively homosexual. But it was Mommy so I was just me and I LOOVVVVEEEEDDD it. If it weren’t for the mess, I’d use my toy more than my hand. Getting fucked blows open every last door inside me, freeing me to be myself like nothing else. Yes, I am never so much myself as when someone is pumping a cock in and out of my ass. And, oh fuck, am I a tramp.
The end goal of pursuing you? To be your girl, whatever that entails to you.
I want to please you for its own reward, and I want to do so helplessly because you own my heart, mind, body, and soul. All I have is the experience of being me, a ghost observing myself and reality from within my own body, washed out and without a thought in my head, merely conscious.
“Mmmm.”
“Mistress Lea, it would mean the world to me to just be near you again.”
You probably worry more that you won’t live up to what I believe you are. That’s really not a concern. If memory serves, who I think you are paints onto you very well.
It’s a good thing my pussy gets hotter and wetter for my Daddy than for all those other boys with their little dicks. I’d be a bad daughter otherwise, right Daddy?
I want so much for the only two women I’m ever with to be you and Mommy. I have so many hot new fantasies of you involving me working at ODU as a woman.
Slurping and slurping communion from her pussy hole, I began to understand my place with the woman who was becoming my Goddess. And I understood the only commandment of my faith: Dr Lee’s pussy will always remain pleased. “Nicole, dear, you’re going to do that again.,”
I feel it’s horribly presumptuous for me to say some of these things but I’m hoping it actually isn’t. I getting a heavy sense that Lea didn’t respond to an email I sent her to test my sanity. I hope that’s the reason. I outline my concerns and take on things in this video. There are enough videos on this site that have me channeling professions of love for an hour on end. Timing with an exceptionally promising job opportunity and and a regrettable mishap with the mute button and the fallout of it that I still simply don’t understand, messages on a YouTube stream that reeked of pain regarding my not having money and me wanting to use her for it and other nastiness.
I suspect Mistress Lea has more money than I’ll ever have. My thought in contacting her was that I still have nearly five figures in the bank and, with the money from the trust fund, could pay for my share of lunches or even dates, waiting patiently at whatever line she wanted to draw. My prediction is that Mistress would find my love so intoxicating that, money not being an issue for her, would urge me to find something parttime or quit all together and play Hausfrau, available to her during the day. I’d settle for an interest-free loan for breast implants, should we go that route.
Something tells me the real issue for Mistress Lea is that she’s worried she’ll want take up the reins of my life with her, that she won’t be at ease with my doting devotion, affection, attentiveness, and pretty words. She’ll want to guide me into being something I am not at present. And I think she fears conflict here. There would a healthy adversarial bent to it, but of course I would hope she would win, leave hints, and likely just plain hand it to her if she put in the work. It’s part of my charm.
I’d love Lea more. Life would be more comfortable, Lea would not love me. If I could not get a programming job, Lea would be content with something more menial. Feminization might progress with Lea. It’s a hard decision. Might as well do it, I figure. I’ll sleep on it over the weekend.
Instead I could feel Mommy watching me to make sure I enjoyed her cocksucking like a son who understands that Mommies suck their little boy’s dicks whenever they want. My cum would prove she was a good Mommy. My pleasure was in embracing being used, in having my dick sucked, an arbitrary act to fill my arbitrary need to cum that Mommy was filling as she sucked at the head of my dick, proving she was a good Mommy. But of course she would want to make that plain right from the start.
‘ll try to cum for your pussy again tonight, Mistress Lea Lee. I want it so bad, to prove my devotion. Who would think me one for pussy worship? But I want yours to think I am worthy. My useless girl clit is getting swollen again, at the thought that I’ll have another chance to prove myself worthy of your pussy.
“Good boy. You can go soft if you want, but you cannot cum. I’m going to take my time with your virgin dick.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself too me. Her tongue stabbed in and out of my mouth, fucking it like a dick while she rocked very softly atop me. Mistress Lea let out a soft whimper and began screwing me faster, mashing her hips against me higher. She coaxed my tongue into her mouth and then, locking lips, proceeded to nurse like a baby bird, sucking and tonging and biting. She pulled back, her hair a mess around her face and shoulders. “Do you want to lose your virginity, Michael? Are you ready now, Baby?”
My dick only belongs in my Mommy’s pussy so until Mistress Lea became Mommy to me, this would be our sex life. On her schedule, not mine, meaning she’d have to find ways of initiating. I *love* the idea of her hands on my waist, pulling me back onto her dick with me in my snakeskin print dress, remembering asking my dad how I was doing, her vanity an inferno.
I’ll send you some roses with password. By the way, after I sent the last bouquet, I heard someone giggle at the window. Mistress, you were so crazy-angry-weird that one night that I feel reluctant to bring this up, but a little bite would be good.
I want Mistress Lea only to fuck my ass until the emotional dynamic between us evolves. I can imagine our first time, her pounding me, miles away, lost in a vainglorious dream while I understand that I actually belong to her. I want this, as much for me as for her. I would prefer that we not have vaginal intercourse until I feel some mother-son love for her. I prefer it to romantic love. It feels like a smooth transition, one that I want to make. In the meantime, my ass will be hers any time, any day, any which…
Mistress. I hope you don’t mind that word. It feels so very, very appropriate. Mistress, just without a name, because there is only one. Or does that make the word interchangeable with other women. Would Mistress Lea be better for these posts. Of course. Mistress Lea. Mistress Lea, I keep thinking back to the night Mommy said you and she had sex. It thrills me in such an ingrained way. It does not make me love you more. It does not make me want you more. But it frightens me, swells my clit, burns my navel with tingles. How long? How long would you fuck me before you became Mommy? Months? A year? Taking my ass, whenever you wanted it, any way you wanted it. My body waxed, my hair . . . you’ll love the idea I have. Cornsilk blond with flecks, not highlights, but flecks of lilac or lavender. I’m going to get it done next week or the week after. I want you to have time to relax into it, to play around and find what you like. I’d love you to initiate, but I’d presume any day or evening you asked me to wear a specific something, I was to lure you to bed.
Back to Mommy. Did it feel like being me? I know you must have talked about me afterward. I know you must have made a promise, to make sure I was loved, to make sure I was taken care of. Mistress Lea, the words in my head are that I want you to tell me how you know. I don’t know if you know me or know about something or know everything, but it has my hands bound behind my back and my face on your knee.
I wish I could tell you these things, but they’re so weird, so crazy, and I worry so, so much that they’re so wrong, that even if they are what you want and even though they are true that there’s something about them that’s polluted. I love you. Love is a tantalizing thought right now. I do love you, and you must know that, but I feel hurt and confused and unwanted and like fucking me would please you and I imagine myself, numb, on knees and forearms, face planted sideways on the mattress, staring off with empty eyes while you nail my sissy ass. But then I realize the pleasure that would bring and wonder whether it would feel like a reward for letting you use my body for your gratification or whether it would rouse me from my mood, and I know I would prefer the former. Tonight. At least tonight. And, oh God, your soft voice washing over me: “Michael, understand that I own you.” Fireworks going off in my brain that steal my sight and then a level of acceptance that cannot be described.
"Come in," Dr Lee's voice called when I rapped at her office door. "Michael. It's good to see you again. How are you finding my class." "I'm having difficulty concentrating, Dr Lee." "Please. Lea. I'm afraid I was just getting ready to leave, but I have something for you." She reached into her desk drawer and drew out a canister of tea. "Do you know how to make green tea?" I nodded. "I want you to drink a cup before each class. And drink a cup before you come see me here, and I want you to again, whenever you…
I’m still entirely consumed for days on end by my love for the Lea my mind invented on its own and I need to see you to reconcile that person with the reality of you because I feel that I’m betraying you when I just engaging in flirtations with other women. I am yours, Lea, and I can’t have you sitting like a ghost in the corner of any relationship I have. Please help me be free of the unending torment of this love that can find no outlet, help me sate my ravenous need to know.
Screaming With Ten Inches of Dick in My Ass For Lea to Fuck Me
A nice long cum for Mistress Lea with Mommy’s dick in my ass.I want so much to know what it feels like to be Mistress Lea’s helpless possession with her, with her ravaging my sissy ass as though I had saved my virginity for her.
A Quick Hard Cum With Ten Inches of Dick in My Slut Sissy Cunt Hole
Short and to the point.
Listen to me beg and squeal while Mommy’s cock coaxes a fucking amazing cum from my useless girl clit.
I found her around back in a very large hot tub nude and crying. I began to disrobe and she saw my erection and climbed out of the tub, into the grass on all fours. “I love you,” Dr Lee I breathed as I sank into her. She squirmed her ass back at me and whined and whimpered and I fucked her very, very fast, my hands on her waist. “That’s, it. You fucking whore,” I grunted, lost in a world where all I felt was my penis and to a lesser extent, her pussy around it, where she had become an object of gratification, something to jerk off with. “You want that fucking cum.. God, fuck, bitch. Need, need, fuck. Give you my fucking now no don’t, you don’t fucking own my yes fucking soul.”
To die again, be broken by love, tireless need, a servant to your vain Desire that boyish need burns a dull story upon a doleful soul But never best the world's turning truth. Can I please burn alone when Tears of futile nothing steal meaning, turning love coal dark, cold Burning for you stops the gray hopelessness, don't you see? Can my mistress ease this dull, purgatorial truss of hate? Perhaps worshipping love itself, yearning for you, Lea, a lie Do you see Lea is the perfect thing to want, and the only Cold, gray everything then Lea. Can you…
Too long neglected, can't a pastime fill a tremor of being her slut? Does her son Want a dress, delight in stylists' braid, tell himself panties are work to shop for? Cosmetics work wonders, perverts mine, many like me, desiring tramp sissy Dick hole to possess hard, turning slut to moaning bitch, a wanton tramp to nail Fuck me, become father, slut son or mommy's love. Make me her Gratify your eighteen-year-old dick with my tramp sissy cock-sheathe, your Torrid, wanton cum hole, needy to drain twin globes for listening Ears softly hear spoken things told to those holding she…
My awareness thirsts, not my mouth nor my soul. Tunneling through life, Sliding the shaft, the experience consciousness calls my life Life, living my life, thirsts with buzzing aflame, screaming blood. Maddened, yours. Cold and void, believed when I cum to your taking my ass. And I can't cum till I know it's true, not romantic fantasy. When I accept, bliss comes over torn thoughts and gurgling coos of what you know Carry me over, balls lanced with that driving penis that's yours, Spilling my testament, my conviction that I'm yours, best of all bliss in life Too afraid it…
Too barren, too barren to soothe what a certain small topic, a long diminuendo Culminating to tresses borne by little nymphettes talking over pleasure lies Hotter when tired and neutered by worn zeal for more, still more now Tricks for salty tears and respite from shame bought with cum Pleasant hears. A thing, it hears my thoughts, it knows my heart All I show, it greets with cheer and not more then shown do I know Tumult and sorrow, thoughts of submission shake my hands Peace is inert, nothing. Happiness filters through fears, hopelessness too. Body yelling, mind dancing, billowed…
Call to the done, what lies torn fewer horrid lies and truth kneels To a whim gotten along better left dreams all real to the quick Bellowing truth and sighed always, whispered everything Radiant pools, amber eyes flat and vain, concern for Perfect arrangement of need and covetous, lost lust It’s always. More, everything. Don’t hope less Hope for more, despair for Lea. Try her love Death might stop, perfect claim on souls Become lost, but hers still. Still. And her pleasure tears your mind Fill, maybe own it. Her pleasure. Torn, nothing. It’s my light, taken me through Desperate,…
“You are such a sweet, hot little piece of ass.” She began riding me. “My pussy wants a taste of your soul for breakfast. Surrender. Surrender to it. Surrender to me. Become my mindless cunt slave. Follow me hither and hither, always trusting, always happy, more and more you until you hit on it and understand that you were made for me, that the only reason you exist is to love me to the point of worship and feed your cum to my womb. It’s your reward for fucking me, and that’s you’re wildest fantasy, isn’t it baby?”
I imagine Lea making a promise or two afterward and I want so, so bad to believe that the two made plans for how I would transition from one to the other.
She didn’t want another kiss. Instead she sank down on my erect penis. The look in her eye said she had done this before, that she liked college boys because, if she got older, they stayed the same age. And with half the Freshman class virgin, her appetite for us was readily sated.
The panel slid outward, not to the side. Outward as a drawer. Indeed, it seemed to be a drawer for four rabbits wearing small metal bead collars with tags. I grabbed one. “Fizzy.” Then “Fuzzy.” Then “Big.” I stood and kicked the rabbit drawer. The little person on the ground pointed and snarled. “Fizzy, Fuzzy, Big, and Buzzy didn’t do one fucking thing to you. Not one of them.”
Only once have I ever managed to cum while imagining fucking her. Usually my pace becomes frantic and my penis recedes. I’m not sure which causes which. Desperation? Shame? Not Mommy? So, almost always, I cum begging her to claim the sissy cunt slut ass that’s already hers, after imaging taking her dick a half dozen ways.
Mistress picked up the tempo and I locked my ankles behind her neck. We were thumping the headboard. “Like this, baby?”
Her penis grew hard into my hand and I came instantly, chest heaving, my shitter a vice on my Mistress’s dick. “I . . . KNOW . . . WHAT . . IT . . . . MEANS . . . . TO . . . TRULY . . . BELONG. . . . TO . . . . YOU . . . MOMMY!!!!”
If it scared you, I’m sorry. I won’t ask you to overlook it because that’s likely impossible, and also because all of it was genuine. And, yes, something of a taste of what would happen in real life.
I love worshipping your pussy, Mistress. It gives me a sense of purpose, of identity even. I want so bad for you to claim my ass. It’s so yours, I’m so yours, I’m so completely yours.
“See how your son takes my dick, Louis. See how long he’s wanted it? See how it fills his every need.” She started fucking me hard, fast. “I love giving it to him. I love making my possession of him complete. He’s mine now. Your poor little sissy became mine without knowing it. What do you think of him now?”
Mistress Lea? I never so fully feel like myself as when I’m being fucked in the ass. That means, I will feel most myself with you when you’re taking my ass, meaning more than any other single thing, that will define who I am.
There’s a reason, there’s a reason, there’s a reason. My head throbs those words but I can’t see it. How could you have left me alone with this horrible torrent of need so that I can muse that you wounded my knowledge of my possession by you so that, in bleeding, I would notice it as true.
“Michael, I will tell when you’re behaving inappropriately and you will them stop when you realize it is best that you do. If you take more than two weeks, I will fuck someone else and you will accept it because you can’t live without me. And at that point, you will stop.”
I fell in love with you and the Lea in my head, I was still a virgin, so that love is the love of a virgin. You are as close to perfect as anything can be in this world and there’s not a single other thing I want. My life should become nothing at all but laying the groundwork for a shot at a relationship with you. Loving you as a virgin loves you entails thinking there cannot be a substitute for you that I would not loathe an hold in contempt.
I just heart a faint voice say, “Oh, God.” Then I heard a door slam. I think it was her. I think my Lea doesn’t want to have to watch what she set in motion, when I fell in love with her fourteen months after our dates. She only ever wanted me to love her back. She forgave me so long ago. Now she wants me to love you, to tell you that I have to do something to prove it to you. I know what.
I fade in and out of feeling my love of your fucking me and my love for you. For brief flickers, you’re no one at all. I’m alone in a world that consists of your dick, your cock sheathe, and white haze that I float in, so released from everything else, entirely myself without inhibitions and getting fucked. Getting fucked by you, Mistress. Then it passes and I realized that I felt fully possessed by you again.
