That message was left on my phone. I think Mistress Lea is signaling me to contact her. I threw together a brief email:
Lea,
You must have known you would hear from me again at some point. I want to see you again, or at least talk. My dad probably told you about the software project that ate a decade of my life (https://iatsoftware.net). It’s flopped but makes a hell of a resume. So I’m applying for jobs recently and, other than that, just trying to get out enough to remember what it feels like to understand that there’s a whole world out there. It’s proven nearly impossible to meet people just going to the store and getting my hair done and running other errands. I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer to give me a routine, but that hasn’t materialized yet. So, very, very, very much so, I would be grateful for your time as a touching-base with the rest of reality experience. I remember calling you and talking for forty-five minutes, barely knowing you, lying sideways on the bed with my head hanging back off the end, back when I was too old to not know how to talk to women. Given the past, I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone.
So, yes, I’d love you as a friend or even just someone to have lunch with every four months. I’ve had something on my mind for a number of years. That’s not an attempt at humor. My Lea, the Lea I fell in love with, is still in my mind. She’s a knot of wishes that I’m not at home with even having, filled in illusion only, and fantasies of what you and a life with you might be like. She’s become enormously compartmentalized part of my personality, so much so that she has opinions and feelings for me that differ from my own. I can feel her mouth hanging open a her eyes shining with eagerness right now. Anyway. There’s something that I want very much to untangle, something that’s troubled me for years. I want to know how similar you are to her. Because I love her. And because I’m haunted by seeing her when I saw you, those times I came to your office.
So, do me a favor and please send me your number and a good time to call or just a time and place to meet. I’ll meet you at ODU. Just place your tea order. And it’ll please you to hear that, in addition to sending you roses, I’ve been stalking you online too. I found a site with your academic publications. Aesop’s Fables, Lea.
Something something,
Michael
Something like that. I’d love Lea more. Life would be more comfortable, Lea would not love me. If I could not get a programming job, Lea would be content with something more menial. Feminization might progress with Lea. It’s a hard decision. Might as well do it, I figure. I’ll sleep on it over the weekend.
