Mistress Lea, I feel washed though without you. Without you, the colors and shapes that forge reality blend through me and I am insubstantial. I am unworthy of your smile. The very thought of your touch fills me with terror, so loathsome is the core of me. There is no joy in life. There is no peace. I want only to love you, and I want you to make me into the man who can love you the way you need to bee loved. If I cannot love you, I have failed as a human being. My life is a failure. I did nothing good. I only took.
Please, Goddess, make me into something I feel is me again. I loathe this eternal death of being without you. It’s so fucking tedious. And my dissatisfaction masks such agony.
Take me and I will fill you with my love. If not, you will waste the most beautiful thing I know of.
I will always love you. It’s who I am, Michael Janda, the man who loves Dr Lee.
