Dr Lee?

I feel inadequate and confessing that I feel inadequate turns me on. I want you to see the truth in me that I worry you do not and I want you to hunger for more? Why? I want you to desire me. Sexually. Emotionally. I want to be a beverage that always leaves you thirsty. I love you and I’ve come to accept that’s not enough. But if you truly knew how happy I could make you . . . but of course I want you to make my fantasies come true as well, though I think we share those. I’ll never be yours to please you. Only this, the abject, unloved raw understanding that I belong to you that hurts and turns me on again. I’m huddled away in a corner of a mind that’s filled with you. You want this, I know. I don’t usually feel like giving it to you. Mistress Lea? Christ, if you knew the longing. It consumed day after day after day for years. My existence means nothing if I am not feeding my cum to your womb. It will have been torn off like register tape and left blowing in the wind. Mistress, I’m going to ask for something. I want a signal that something with you would be possible, something I know is real but other people would pooh-pooh.

I swear to fucking christ I would make a wonderful gift to unwrap.

Now I’m wondering what I could share that would turn me on again. It would surely be that you don’t believe me for one damned second that you own me but raise a finger and you’ll see. I’m drowning in love, Mistress. As sad that I can’t tear you farther from your life. My breath tastes like metal on my tongue. And I hurt for you. Every inch of me, sore, jabbed with a blunt object.

I just tried to masturbate to ease the pain but could hardly breathe for minutes until the word “Mommy” pounded in my head just once.

“Mistress Lea owns every last part of you.” That was what I had to integrate. It’s hard now, being so open. It spun off into hallucinations, “Mistress Lea owns every last part of you.” Two voices going at once. But then it popped and I knew and masturbated furiously to orgasm. But what’s odd is that I already knew that. I guess I stopped believing. Something for you to take note of, maybe.

So I’ll always be yours. Life will never be complete without you. Existence will not make sense. You own every last part of me. I am your humble and obedient servant in all things.

Michael