I am fated to be hers. My thoughts punish me with confusion and emotions that seem not to make sense. If I decide I want to pursue another woman, I lock Mistress Lea away in my head and then when I let my love for her free again, I feel there is nothing to do to please her when she isn’t here. Nothing but resume my course towards me. I am her possession in many ways, just as she is Goddess, Mistress, and Mommy in addition to . . . I was broken by my desire for her. I needed her and could not have her for so many years when she was the only thing worth having. I don’t come apart in big pieces. It shattered me. I seethed with pain and need for years afterward. But when I reforged myself, it was with love of her. First and last, I am the man who loves Lea. I yearn beyond measure for her to be the person who decides what exists in between. Loving her at times is basking in a shower sunflakes that turn everything perfect. I mean to write that everything is as it should be because I love her, and I am happy even if just for that. For twenty years, I have loved her. And I will love her for twenty more. I hope and know that she will claim me, accepting me as hers. My love will intoxicate her vanity and perhaps eventually warm her heart. She knows I cannot live without knowing how similar she is to the Lea I’ve conceived of. It’s maddening.
That I am hers, she will learn to control me. .She will turn my illness against me in ways we both appreciate are possible. We will perhaps find a setting where all the lights can be extinguished and we can sit apart and I can confess absolutely anything. She can then explain the right and wrong, the truth and misconception, what she thought and what I should think as a result. And when she’s Mommy, when I shamelessly follow her pussy about for direction in life, when we both know, I can screw her. Not until then since my dick only belongs in my mommy’s pussy.
Just me here, but I need to find her a way to initiate before then so my ass gets taken when she wants to take it. Maybe I’ll just ask if she wants me to dress as a woman and that would imply sex. I really want to fuck her. It’s been eight years since I’ve had a mommy.
