Mistress Lea, I didn’t mean to cut of the last entry early but I had the strong sense that I should do something you thought I should do.
One thing that occurred to me, Mistress,. is that when I fell in love with you and the Lea in my head, I was still a virgin, so that love is the love of a virgin. You are as close to perfect as anything can be in this world and there’s not a single other thing I want. My life should become nothing at all but laying the groundwork for a shot at a relationship with you. Loving you as a virgin loves you entails thinking there cannot be a substitute for you that I would not loathe an hold in contempt. You are utterly unique in this world and you cannot fail to live up to that if I love you because I could never ask for more than love, not expect anything more than love. Just twinkling amber eyes, a smile and a slow nod when I hover over you and tell you that a lifetime of pain has come to an end: “There’s no other way, Mistress Lea. None. There’s no way to move forward except you manipulating me into follow your pussy. Mistress, I’m sorry, but I’ve become a mindless cunt slave. Not because of sex but because I love you and obey without inner conflict so long as you use your cunt to guide me. Submitting to your bitchy moods is a pleasure. Submitting to your desires gives my life purpose. It’s only with your dick in my ass or for a few fleeting seconds after I spray my cum in your womb that I understand without knowing what I understand. I think I understand who I am to you and it frightens me and shows me there’s no escape at the same time, which makes me very happy. Knowing I will love you until I die gives my life a sense of closure. My Mommy was everything to me to hand me off to you, not just the woman of my dreams or the woman I love in a way no other person can, but also the woman I feel I should be with, the woman who is right for me given the ways I have grown since I first learned what your penis could make me feel. Was it ever in Mommy? I know my dad would be terse relaying my condition while my mom could talk for hours about me. I imagine you and she screwing and you actually being the submissive one to feel like her daughter as I am her son. She told me this once, muttering as we sat across from each other. I think it’s a perfectly good thing and I don’t know what else you could have done to come close to me in the oblivion of eating Mommy’s pussy.
Where was I. Oh, I think I could keep a vow of monogamy with you but no one else. I’d very much like to see my penis shrivel after withdrawing from another woman because I was overloaded with stress. And then telling you about it and you asking me the reason it happened and explaining to me that that reason was predicated on what I could not see or lied to myself about, the whole time with your head on my should and my hand tugging my penis, waiting till I felt I had permission to cum:
“I just wanted to fuck her, Mistress.”
“You’ve told me you feel you commune with your own soul when we screw. Why would you want to have sex for purely mechanical reasons?”
“It was that I wanted to prove to her that I could fuck her.”
“When I wasn’t around to lay rules and call shots, when I couldn’t watch?”
“I’m sorry Mistress. I’m new to me.”
“I understand quite well. Michael. I understand you quite well. Here’s what we’re going to do. My dick was in that woman’s pussy so I won’t allow it in me for a month. During that time, when I fuck your ass, you may not touch my dick. You may only cum if you need to. I’ll bend you over something in the dining room because of the wood floor. When you cum, you may lick it up if you want to cut short the month. Oh, but I’ll not let you keep my cum. You will feed it to me like to a baby bird. I want all of it, Michael. Do you understand? I want all of your cum.”
“Why?”
“Fucking whore. If fuck you deep and fast to get a cum from you, then it’s my cum. My dick. My cum.”
“But why?”
“Because you will understand that I’m right when it happens, that your cum is a catalyst for you becoming entirely mine. It’s a step toward you understanding that your reason to be on this planet is to want to fuck me, that every thing else, even about us, means nothing. You do not find purpose in loving me. You find it when I pound your ass, when you realize. Don’t you remember? When you are most your self and understand something so obvious to me, that you exist to coat the walls of my womb with the cum I make in you. You are my mindless cunt slave, but you don’t feel shy about it, do you? You take pride in it, sissy. You take pride in it because you can only eat it yet still, when you are most yourself, you feel yourself beholden to my pussy slime as though you could die from withdrawal if you ever stopped eating it. I fuck you so you see that you’re a slave to my pussy. that my dick submits to it again and again, filling it with hot cum, draining who you are from you until you only know your duty as my bitch is to surrender your soul to me. By fucking me. And I won’t share it, Michael. I will have all of it. Your soul. And then you will be dependent upon me to even want sex, to want anything but to finally be my litter girl. “Then you kiss me and say, “Try to last the whole month. It would be a sign of your desire to be my slut fucking daughter. Roll over on your side. I want to sample the hot piece of ass your mommy made again.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“Michael?”
“Please, Mistress. That would let me be more honest, to tell you the truth without shame, without the fear that you no longer want me as yours.”
“You would still want me and I would stay. For your love, baby.”
“Forevver yours. Your Michael and soon your Nicole.”
“Yes, baby.” You slide two finger in me to loosen me up.
“I still can’t believe fucking you two days in three for those first three months completely destroyed your rectum. It looks more like your pussy than your asshole.”
“It only exists for you.”
“Explain why.. No? I’ll tell you.”
I should get back to loving you until I die, Mistress Lea.
