I clipped down the Norweigin Lines cruise ship in my stiletto heels, wear a bikini top and a tulip skirt, watching seagulls take flight in the Miami afternoon from the pilons on the opposite end of the pier. “Miss! Miss!” a voice called out behind me. I turned and saw a man in a gray suite holding up my makeup bag.
“Thank you!” I smiled up at him, a good six inches shorter.
“You’re welcome. How can you ever repay me? You name, please. We might see each other again and I’d like to know it.”
“What would put such ideas into your head?”
“Excuse me?”
“That we would be so lucky. Fate. Fate Cauldwell. I’m afraid of. . . my damn it. I talk too much. I’m wholly nocturnal. My suite’s on the starboard side. Maybe you’ll see me wandering around in the middle of the night.”
“Like a ghost.”
“One in need of a home.” I tapped his chest with my finger. “I’m clearly strange,” I said with a smile, “but the particularly odd thing is that I’m proud of it. Now go before we miss our ship. Oh, your reward.” I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. When he patted my ass, I gave him a playfully accusatory look. He smiled, almost blushing, and withdrew, magically producing a card from his wallet. “David Scott. Lead of Machine Learning. Industrial Lights & Magic” Flustered and at a loss, I tucked the card into my waistband. “Well,” I said flatly.
“You’re the most woman I’ve ever seen.”
“Thank you. I know that. You look like a deer caught in headlights whenever I do this.” I gazed into his eyes with a look of mirth that softened to the most tender, affectionate look I could muster,. “Ask for my hand,” I breathed.
“Marry me?” he croaked, looking about ready to break.
I slouched back. “I can also juggle and pun in Latin.”
He chuckled. “Let’s hear one.”
“I lie to you as well.”
“I get the feeling I would prefer it that way.”
“Boat, David.”
After getting settled in my suite, I pulled David’s card out of my waistband and, staring at it, collapsed back on the bed. I pulled out my phone. “Stairway near fore starboard. Lvl 6. 1:15am. In red sweater & jeans.. It’ Fate.” I tossed my phone on the nightstand and tucked my laptop away, reminding myself not to work. I overpack. 120lbs overpack. So sorting through clothes and getting them in the closet and putting away makeup and jewelry, and then there was the haircare stuff, and figuring out what I was going to wear. It always took so bleeping long. I settled on an emerald silk dress and got in the shower. The ship was pulling out of port by the time everything was in place. My golden platform shoes with their gold leather twining up to my knees over baby soft strawberry blond skin, and a green silk dress cut up one side nearly to the waist. I eyed the clock, making up my bag. “4:15.” Then I was out the door to find a bar.
When David found me at 1:15, I had changed into what I said I’d wear. I was skidding around on the top of a grand piano. “You play?”
David said nothing, just sat, and a piano arrangement of Franki Vali’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” Started up. I smiled. I had gone to one of those magnet schools for vocals. Looking down at David, I sang, “You’re just to good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. You’d feel like heaven to touch. I want to hold you so much. . . . ” I began to hit my stride, singing to an invisible crowd. My arms shot wide when the chorus came, stomping the heel of my sandal on the piano lid. .”I LOVE YOU, BABY! AND, IF IT”S QUIT ALRIGHT, I NEED YOU BABY! TO WARM THE LONELY NIGHTS!” I slid down and sat next to David when the song wound down and lit a cigarette. I inhaled deeply, took a pull of my longneck, then exhaled. “Only when I drink,” I slurred..
“That was the hottest trashy thing I ever saw.”
“Thank you. I know. I want a pastry. Let’s find a pastry.”
“How about haggis? It’d be more of a challenge.”
“Good for what ails you!” I spun and rose of the bench, not the least impaired despite my behavior. I did a circle of three pirouettes followed by a courtly bow and outstretching my hand. David took it, a gentle dazzled look in his eye.
“You’re twenty-three?”
“How’d you know?”
“I’m forty-two.”
“Great, so now Daddy’s bragging about how old he is.”
David let the comment drop. “So, why is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen taking a cruise by herself.”
“I needed a break from my dissertation.” I looked up at him. “I really am twenty-three. I graduated from high school two years early.”
“Did you have any boyfriends?”
“No, just sex. Mommy wanted me to have a sense of self-confidence and a strong notion of who I was before I dated, but those would have made me impossible at home. And there’s something else you’ll find out about later. If you’re lucky. I used to worry about guys finding out, but I haven’t met one who didn’t love it.”
“Can I have a hint.”
I smiled and bumped into him, .hard on purpose. “Oh, all right. I have a really big dick. But it’s immaculately shaved and uncircumcised. And it doesn’t get hard without pills, so it’s more of a useless girl clit.”
He pulled me close. “And did it come from your wonderful, magical pet unicorn that hides frrom everyone but you?”
I rolled my eyes. Idiot.
The closest we could do to pastries was a tray of white chocolate chip cookies. I ate five, as big around as a softball. I’d be purging later but then men didn’t mind dating women with eating disorders. Dental side-effects were the worst of bulimia, unless you went really overboard. And I had nice white implants thanks to Mommy. She’d bought them during my transformation. I never binged. It was just maintenance. A half hour after dinner, I’d head upstairs. I’d keep lunch and have cereal for breakfast. It was the difference between 135 and 120lbs.
“We’re in international waters. It must be possible to get a drink. What do you say?”
I nodded. “The casino probably has an all-night bar.”
I was stupid-drunk by 4am and Davd had to carry me back to my room. 120lbs. “Stay,” I moaned.
“I thought you were a grad student.”
“My family’s rich.”
“I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“Then hold me.”
“David? Hold me.”
He came in my mouth five minutes later.
“Can you fuck?”
“Not after drinking that much. Not at my age.”
“Have you ever seen such a beautiful face wrapped around your dick?”
“No, Baby. Are you okay?”
“We’ll meet at the piano tomorrow night,” I said, kicking and shoving him out of bed. “David,” I said as he neared the cabin door. “II had to get drunk because I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
“Yes, but now I know you’re just a good-time guy. Out, Baby.”
I showed up in my red sweater again, but without jeans. It was stretched over my butt the way the girls in my high school would. David was waiting. “Fate? Sit for a second, please.”
I gave an exaggerated smile. “Yes, Dad.”
“How’s school going?”
I eyed him consideringly. “Well, Daddy. The dissertation is frustrating. Crying, frustrating. I just can’t make it Maxwellian.”
“You’ll figure it out, Baby Doll. You’re too smart not to. Now, I have a question.”
I put my chin on my knees and said nothing.
“Why do you seem like Ms. Perfect in a tailspin?”
“Why do you think?” I mumbled
“You need more clothes. It’s bound to be cold on deck.”
David followed me to my cabin. I unlocked the door and entered very slowly to make sure he was right behind me. Then I turned. “David,” I said, tracing a finger on his shirt. “Reality says you must want me, but so much of the time it feels like you don’t.”
He grasped my finger and held my hand. “You bring out something in me, in my mind. It’s as though, if I were twenty and saw you, you’d be exactly who I wanted to be with when I was older. You’re perfect only it’s too late and I can see we’re not right for each other anyway. You want a confident man with more poise and an overblown sense of charm.”
“I want you tonight.” I pulled off my sweater, revealing my oversized breasts and oversized bald penis without reluctance. Men never minded. A bit awkwardly, I unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off his back along with his vest. I slipped my thumb into his belt buckle and slid it free, pulling it all the way from around his waist. Then I knelt to hold his shoe to the floor. “Lift,” I said softly and slid the sock off as well. His pants had fallen and I held my arms open for him to step out of them. He had the most far-away look on his face. I climbed to the edge of the bed. “Come fuck me.” My voice was very soft, gentle. “David? Come fuck me.” So much in me unwound when David pushed inside me that I hadn’t known was there. I groaned loudly and David took ahold of my waist and began pulling me back onto his dick. “Yeah, that’s it. Fuck me, Daddy. Shoot up my ass with your fucking cock.” David didn’t respond, still in his far-off place. “Ooh oh yeah, like that. Just like that, Daddy. I love your dick. I love your dick. Love your dick. Love your dick. Rub my girl clit, Daddy. Please?”
David reached down and began to twist the head of my penis back and forth. I screamed without understanding, “Dick. Fuck me. Too good. Fucking dick. Fuck my ass. In-fucking-side my sissy fuck hole. Cuuuuumm!” But David didn’t. And he didn’t. Three hours later, I was numb and limp, moaning ever few minutes. “I’ll suck it?”
“I’ll just finish in the bathroom.”
“Like hell you will. Not mine and it’s time for us to part, Daddy. But Baby would love to take your load first.” I paused. “Really? Okay, I’m going for breakfast. Take a key when you go.” David kept fucking me. “David? I want to go to breakfast. This is rape,” I said in disbelief. “Isn’t this rape?” Then my ass twitched and spasmed yet again and David groaned slightly in time with me and shot. I hopped off the bed. “Stay hydrated,” I said, heading for the closet.
“Can I sleep here.”
“You can but you may not,” I answered with a grin. “I’m teasing. Get a shower.”
David followed me in. There wasn’t any giggling or even talk. He rubbed soap into my shoulders then under my arms, moving up each arm, brushing the bar over the veins in my wrists. I was rock hard. David stepped aside and worked water through my hair. Not like a stylist. He’d roll my hair up in a fist and palm on my head and wring. The water was very hot. I felt a bit sick from it, a bit as though I might faint. He soaped my chest above my breasts, his hands hotter than my skin. I moaned and unthinkingly started playing with my girl clit. David’s hands moved over my breasts then stomach. He stroked my girl clit once and then came round to my ass, thoroughly washing the lube out. “I’ll let you shave your legs.”
I sank down on a shelf in the shower after David left, furiously rubbing my girl clit till I came with a racking shudder.
David was laid out on the bed, above the blanket, asleep by the time I dried my hair and put on a little makeup. I looked at his dick, a bit tempted to suck it. I crawled very carefully onto the bed and leaned down and lifted it. It was of what I think is best termed an unlikely size. He grew stiff in my mouth. Careful not to wake him, lest it go to his head, I nursed, mewling, at his dick. I worked my way down as he finished growing, pulling him into my throat. The huffing in my nostrils quickly subsided and I went to work, pleasing him, with my throat muscles while I sucked, puffing my cheeks, but not bobbing my head. “The way the good Lord intended,” I thought. I hadn’t quite had my fill when he erupted into my stomach but, again carefully, I cleaned his shaft and around the base where some cum had pooled. I looked up at him, “Good boy. I don’t think need breakfast after all.” I flopped down beside him and drifted off only to wake forty-five minutes later when my three Dexedrine 10mg Spansules began to kick in.
I left David to sleep, and wondered the cruise ship in clothes and jewelry that showed off my parents’ income tax bracket. A cock fight was being held at the aft of deck three. “International waters,” I mused with a shrug. I saw a rooster blind in one eye and immediately pulled out my purse. “I’ve got two hundred on the chicken! The motherfucking chicken!” I yelled.
“Which one, Princess? They’re all chickens.”
“Black-Eyed Jack. And I want to make it five.” I watched the handlers bring the roosters to bear in the ring. “It’s one-eyed cock time!” I shouted. “Fuck that Foghorn up!”
Jack wove across the ring to his opponent and got in a quick shot to the leg that drew blood. Christ, if a rooster could bob and weave, Jack was doing it. Utter fucking poetry in motion. His beak was everywhere and Jack? Well, Jack was nowhere to be found. He scraped at the dirt and straw-strewn floor with his claws one his opponent lay dead and still.
“That was Voodoo,” said the man next to me.
I smiled. “Papa Legba be praised. I can pick a winner.” I pushed myself up from the railing and, popping a cigarette in my mouth. went to collect my winnings. “What’s the rake?”
“Ten. You want to let it ride?”
“My horse running again?
“Not till this afternoon.”
“I might be back. Where can I get a pitcher of bloody marys to go?”
“The pool. Sternward, one level up. Official policy says no but just walk off with it. It’s how things are done here.”
I looked at the dead rooster, exhaling smoke. “I should have known that.”
“Kim?”
“Fate.”
“Yeah. Come back. Need more of you.”
“Thanks, ese.”
“Racist bitch,” he muttered.
I laughed and walked off to find an elevator. Twenty minutes later and pitcher of bloody mary’s on hand, I became accutely conscious of needing to get off. Spotting a frumpy middle-aged man with a woman, I walk to them and asked, “Excuse me. Could I borrow your husband for twenty minutes, maybe a bit more?” His eyes were locked on me, deer-in-headlights. His wife was eying my pitcher. “Miss?”
“Whatever for?”
“It’s personal. My name’s Fate.” I extended my hand to the woman, who ignored it, and then to the man who allowed me to tug him off his stool.
“Henry,” he said.
“Come with me, Henry.” I took a pull through one of the straws in the pitcher. “There’s something I want to show you.” I walked with Harry at random, sharing my pitcher, until it was almost empty. I left it on the deck outside the mall and we went in to find a dressing room. I kissed Harry passionately. “I’m not at all the girl you think I am,” I said. I striped for him. “I’m the girl you want me to be,” I sighed, kissing him again. I pulled a jar of vasoline from my purse and worked several gobs of it into Harry’s ass. “Baby, I promise, I’m going to make you my bitch, but you’ll love every second of it. I basted my ten inch cock in a quarter-inch thick layer of goo and slid into Harry in one, slow steady stroke, not giving him an ‘oh yes, this will happen’ moment though I paused for well over a minute once I was in. Harry groaned as my dick dragged over his prostrate, pulling out, and sighed as I sunk in again. He wasn’t responsive for long though. Pretty soon, I was just hammering inert Harry while our balls slapped together. “Another day in paradise,” I groaned.
“Fuck my sissy hole, Mistress.”
“That’s what I’m doing, Mark, Baby.” I slapped him playfully on the ass.
“Herny.”
“Could you elaborate? I like a good debate but when I fuck, about all I’m capable of is mincing words.”
“Henry is my name.”
“But is it la bon mot?”
“It’s my name.”
I slapped his ass hard. “Bitch, I asked you a question.”
“I don’t know what you said.”
“An excuse. What’s next? A spic with a knife?”
“It’s true.”
“Good to know you’re not simply rationalizing away why you can’t answer my question.”
“Please.”
“Take it, bitch.” I thrusted spastically three times then stopped, just on the edge of orgasm. When I pulled out, Mark turned around and I ejaculated violently onto his face. Then, with my index finger, I gathered some Santorum from the head of my penis and used it to draw a cross on his forehead.
“Used and understood,” he said nastily. I batted my eyebrows, smiling wider. He turned away in shock. “There’s a place for people like you.”
“Yes, with people like you, Baby,” I said, rubbing his back as I Iifted his wallet from his crumpled pants on the floor. “Let’s find your little wifie-poo.” She was were we left her. I tossed the wallet at her but she failed to catch it. “Just to show you I’m not evil incarnate.” I waved dismissively. “People just like to say that. I’m just your ordinary good girl who can’t help how much she likes getting fucked. Bye, Mom. Bye, Baby.” Both were weeping. I did a jumping arm pump. The Anti-Christ rides again.
I returned to my cabin and bellyflopped on top of David. His extremities jerked and he grunted and opened his eyes, then he wrapped both arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “What have you been up to?”
“Vati!” I smiled “I had my first man today.”
“Did you still your cock in his ass?”
“Ja, Ja.”
“Du hast ein Gottverdammter Ungeheur.”
“Der Schlange,” I beamed up at him.
“Das ist so erstaunlich. If I can play the saxophone, I’ll shit myself.”
I stood and walked to the bathroom to wash my dick in the sink. “I stole his wallet but gave it back.”
“Why?”
“Which why?”
“Second, I guess.”
“It was the right thing to do.”
“You’re a very odd woman.”
“Do you think they have a potter’s wheel anywhere here?”
David picked up the phone. “Is there a potter’s wheel on board? Can we send out for one? Is he traveling by kayak? Can you call ahead to the next port? We have to grease the palms of the transport authority? A donation to Columbian State Research to Stop Colostomy Bag Ruptures? That won’t fit on a check. One second. Baby! When do you want this by?”
“Two hours from now. I want to hit the mess hall before the custom omelet people shut down.”
“Fuck it,” he said into the phone and hung up.
“Could I get egg whites and shallots?”
“Sausage, bacon, and ham.”
David stared at me. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You know, sausage, bacon, pork chops, and ham all come from the same animal?”
I rolled my eyes. Idiot. “I think those lights by the ceiling are a bar. Buy me a gin and tonic?”
We sat and talked. David ordered two more. Doubles, served large daquiri glasses. Then he volunteered to fetch our omelets. I insisted that I do. I had changed into a slinky gold cocktail dress and did a well, well rehearsed ass roll for David as I walked away. Free from his zone of control, so to speak, I broke into my stride. Like my hair blown back and the front of my neck stroked at the same time. I was beautiful. Eyes, eyes, eyes and dour expressions. Not a smile among them, not unless I beamed them first. I batted my eyelashes at a sixteen-year-old and food rolled out of his mouth. I smiled at a man stacking glasses and he knocked over twenty minutes of work. I spun at the waist and did a little hop with pursed lips, looking slightly down my nose at him and his face split with happiness and he waved. I heard a woman’s voice say, “You unbelievable cunt.” I turned to her, stiffened, gave her a a slight bow, and held up a finger. I walked up to four gentleman finishing breakfast.
“Have you seen Blinky and Drama Queen anywhere?” I asked in a troubled, clueless voice. I sat and grabbed one of the men’s hands, running my nail across the vein in the wrist. I inserted three fingers in his palm and then balled his hand up around them. “They’re both about this big and they mean the world to me, more than even casual encountered with men.”
The man whose hand held my fingers squeezed them. “I’m sure they’ll turn up. What, um, species are they.”
I sniffled. “Thank you for not assuming the were innaninage objects. The condescention of that . . . I know I’m a fright. Odd. If I’m to be truly honest, it’s turning me on, making a fool out of myself in front of four strangers for two hamsters I haven’t seen since sixth grade. I love them so much. Oh, God, you do have a fully functioning penis don’t you?”
His jaw dropped. “We,” ventured one of his friends, “probably all do. I’m Mathew, these are Mark and Luke, and the man holding your hand is John.”
“You don’t seem particularly taken aback by any of this.
“I did a lot of acid when I was younger. ‘We’re all thinking about what we’re all thinking about and that’s what we’re all thinking about.’ The good stuff.”
“Doesn’t that cause anxiety problems?
“When you’re sober. Mai Tai?”
“Champagne.” Mathew called to the waiter and I began swilling the stuff from the bottle as soon as the cork was popped. “Do you sell pieces or weight?”
“Weight.”
“An hour and a half?” asked John, eyebrows raised.
“Too cheap. I’m not that kind of whore. I’ll do a group rate. Two hours for five thousand. Odd, I’ve never sold myself before. It must be the sea air. One of you has a suite?”
“Will you cut to four if we kick in diesel and all backdoor you?”
“Heroin and anal is for niggers and faggots in my book.”
“Jesus Christ,” Luke sputtered.
I looked at him in confused disbelief. “I’m a fucking whore. You want a lady to pass around like a joint, diamonds and chocolate would go farther then Benjamins and diesel.”
“Yeah,” Mathew snorted. “I’ll check the gift shop. Get lightning bolt tattoos by your eyes. You’re going to be on knees and folded forearms.”
I scattered the money on the quilt before stripping my dress off. My ten and a half inch girl clit wasn’t looking so useless. “Who wants to go first?” I asked.
“Elite,” said Luke with a firm nod.
“You can cum if you want to, Baby. I’d kind of rather you did,” I snarled and batted the eyelashes of my astonishing face. All four stooped. “I’ll cut on the TV while you recover, unless one of you wants to suck me off.” John did, of course.
“Shoot up my ass with your cock. Shoot up my ass with your cock,” I was still squealing as the clock on the nightstand was creeping past the hour and three quarter mark.
“How much for another hour?” John whimpered.
“Yeah! Who wants to fuck my face?”
“I’ll skull fuck you, you dirty bitch,” said Mathew and he climbed between me and the headboard,
“Not in my mouth. On my face, Baby,” I mewled, knowing they hadn’t thought anything like me even existed.
I could feel the cum of four men move inside me as I traipsed back to my cabin. It felt like I was leaving something behind. I had always known Mommy raised me as a slut because she knew I wanted to be one, but I had never really grown into it until past few hours. But I knew I’d die if I were ever faithful to another man, didn’t put out on the first date if I knew there would be a second, let a week go by without sucking someone off in a deserted corner of a building or a bathroom, or wasn’t called Mommy by a virgin by thirty. It reminded me of my mother’s cousin who had home-schooled her children in locksmithing and leather tanning and I wasn’t sure why. I hadn’t seen either in thirteen years and both were in prison. I was struggling to remember if Daryl, the leather tanner, had ever gotten his 13 done. It was like that’s that shit in my bloodstream was making me scratch. I could see the 13 his brother Jeff had outlined in my mind with maddening precision of detail. I fell down a flight of three stairs and snapped out of my musings. “Is there fucking some reason this ship has a three-step flight of stairs?”
“For the knee wall, you dumb bitch,” answered a passing old man.
I hadn’t been called a dumb bitch since college when I phoned a friend of sorts repeatedly at two in the morning, asking to get together and have things be special, special like before. I threatened to call the cops when he turned me down and that’s when it came: “No you won’t, you dumb bitch.” It was probably the best fuck of my life and I still sent him Christmas Cards. So having this old fucker use the same phrase shut my mouth for all of fifteen seconds before I called after him, “I want it special, special like before.” When he didn’t respond, I added, “You fucking rape me for three hours, coked to the gills, and pull out to cum in the bathroom and you won’t even let me suck that monster cock of yours, you God damned faggot. How do you sleep at night?”
He spun and lifted his shirt to reveal a pistol. “If I see you again, I’m just going to start shooting and call it self defense, you sick, crazy twist.”
“At least II know what love is.”
“Love is a dunghill atop which I climb to crow.”
“What about us?”
“When your child asks his father’s name, at least you’ll have it to give.”
“What?”
“Biff. Biff Spigler. Spigler with a G.”
“How else would I spell Spigler?”
“I’d spell it with a G.”
“But wait. I’m not carrying your baby. We haven’t even had intercourse.”
“More’s the pity, I would think.” He tapped the hilt of his gun. “Remember what I said.”
“Jesus Freak!” I went to fetch David for Jack’s afternoon fight. We watched his opponent peck at the dirt while Jack’s head pumped. Then Jack squawked across the ring, wings flapping then battering his opponent while Jack went to work on his neck. “Yeah, it’s like that,’ I called as Jack took out an eye.
“Odd.”
“Odd, bullshit. It’s competition reduced to its purest form.”
“Among chickens.”
“I said the competition was purist, not the event.”
“Fucking God. You do try. I’ll give you that.”
“What?”
“Just admit you like watching chickens kill each other.”
“Oh, I thought that went without saying.” David and I returned later that night to sit on the railing and watch the chickens in their pens. “They’re almost majestic,” I breathed reverently.
“I’m not having this conversation.”
“What threads of commonality do we really have, David?”
“That was your sense of humor?”
“No, David.” I threw a piece of straw to the ground, feeling the tears rise. “I don’t know if I can be with you.”
“Do I have to take more of an interest in your interests, Fate?”
“No, Dick!” I pushed him. “You have to want the way I feel about you. Instead of just using me with it.”
“Fate. Baby. I’ve been worried to even let you feel that way. I promise I haven’t toyed with it. Not consciously.”
“Then take me out. Take me out and you’ll see.”
David smiled and touched all five fingertips together twice. “Fate, there’s a restaurant near the top deck that’s open till ten. I haven’t wanted to ask you to eat there with me because of the formality that would introduce to things, but now I think I’d like an element of formality. Would you like me to get reservations tonight?”
“Yes, Baby. I’ll go get ready. Call me.” I spread my arms in an odd bow and kissed him. He tried to grab my head but I pulled away. I did my long hair in curlers for the body and put on a thin aqua dress, white at the hem that faded unevenly to an almost imperceptible pink with light burgundy stitched floral patterns about the asymmetrical bottom. I also did full makeup. I looked like a fucking model by the time I was done. David had called to say he’d be by minutes from now.
Walking through the ship, I clung his arm. He seemed self conscious at first but his feet began to flow with me leading. I pressed my head against his bicep and pointed at something hardly worth noticing. Everyone wanted to see the man who was with the beautiful woman. The Matre’d ushered us to a table near the fore of the ship, not near a window.
“Dom Perignon,” David said softly, accepting our two menus.
“I haven’t told you this yet, but I locked my phone in my car two weeks ago and something named Roger with green and purple tentacles ate my car. I found my phone and left it in my upstairs bathroom and, guess what?”
David raised his eyebrows.
“Roger moved in. I’m scared to death of him of course but I try to throw a bucket of chicken in every day or two. But I needed my phone for the cruise and ducked in at three in the morning and it turns out Roger doesn’t like chicken. So, one less thing, right?”
“I’m slightly frightened that you seem to believe that.” He folded his menu as the waiter appeared with the champagne. “I’ll have the two burritos and an enchilada with green chili.”
“I’d like the Crab Newberg.” I turned to David with a smile and touched his arm. “And yes, I know that’s on the ‘fucking’ page of the menu, Daddy.” The waiter began to wheeze. Having said it, I began to glow inside. I watched David with large, glassy, round eyes. “Do you mind so much that I feel this way now?”
“If I could stop worrying.”
“I want a birthday wish ahead of schedule and I want you to grant it or I won’t let you grope mee if we find a place to dance later. I want you to say, ‘What the hell? What’s the worst that could happen?” And mean it.
David paused, champagne in hand, for nearly a minute. In a voice thick with tears, he finally said, “I’m sorry, Fate. I owed you that from the beginning given our ages. What the hell? What’s the worst that could happen?”
“Then touch me.” I tapped the back of his hand with a fingernail. He firmly grasped my wrist as I withdrew my arm.
“I can barely say it to myself. I want you to belong to me. I want you struck by your devotion to love. I want to grab you with talons that knead ever tighter, reminding me that you’re mine. II want you unable to leave, between how you feel and how you know I’d react if you tried.”
“I do.” I smiled and batted my eyelashes which caused him to flinch and look away. “Chase me.”
“I see you for the first time, not as the person who looks like Fate, but as Fate. I could never fuck you. You’re pure magic. This,” he gestured about with his fork, “isn’t a restaurant with you in it. It’s a fantasy. I’m scared of corrupting your perfection with such a banal thing as lust, which I don’t even feel. I could confess the world to your blue eyes and then begin to lie just to have reason to continue to speak. You are everything, right now. You are everything.”
I dipped my head and stammered slightly, returning his honesty, “I don’t want to be everything. I want to be your everything. More often.”
“This is not how this happens. I don’t fall in love, eating a damned burrito.”
“Have some of my crab,” I said with a smile and sliced a bit off a strip and fed him with my fork. I paused, looking down, eyes closed, smiling and blushing. A pleasant sense of shame. “You have permission, you know.”
“No, Fate. I only get to do it once and this isn’t right. The setting, the mood. I want to feel in control.”
I giggled, shaking my head,. My eyes still down. “David, that will likely never happen.”
He wiped his mouth. “Fine. Let me love you?”
“Do you? Truly?”
“Yes, Fate.” He paused. “Fate, I’m falling in love with you.”
I refilled my champagne glass. “You’re the best Daddy ever.” I blew him a kiss and instantly flinched, worried he would fall out of his chair.
I walked from the restaurant, holding a second bottle of Dom Perignon by the neck, leaving David to the last of his burritos. “You know where I’ll be tomorrow morning,” I said as I left the table.
I thought I heard him quote Yeats: “Beauty is truth and truth beauty. This is all ye know and all ye needs know.”
“Do you realize how much Greek pottery depicts gay sex?” I called back at him.
“I’ll be by in an hour to suck you off.”
“I want your ass!” I answered in a near shout from the entrance, taking a pull from my bottle. “Cut me off. I’ve had too much,” I said to the Matre’d with wink and a smile that sent him staggering back two steps.
“You’re always welcome here,” he replied.
“And not looking at my tits. How novel. I’m awfully slender, aren’t I? Here. Hit my gut.”
“Tailspin,” David said, passing me.
“Daddy, wait!” I caught up to him and kept walking. “Chase,” I said, taking a left into the maritime museum which was dark at this hour though each display would illuminate when you approached it. “You’re shy about all this,” I said to David who stayed back at the entrance. I walked over to a harpsichord made from whale tooth ivory. I locked eyes. “Tell me to kiss you.” He strode over and slipped his lips around mine. His tongue probed my closed teeth.
“Kiss me,” he mumbled.
“Eyes closed.” I shot my tongue into his throat, massaging his mouth anyway I could to express how I felt. I stopped with a peck at the upper lip that said, “I own you.”
He answered with his own peck: “I know. I love it.”
I shook my hair out on my back. “Did you destroy the magic?”
“No. Your face. All I make out is your face.”
I smiled at his erection ana I unzipped my dress and let it fall, kicking off my shoes and stepping out of my black lace panties. I drew him to the floor. He sat and I straddled his legs, feeding him a breast. “Is perfection spoiled or are you indulging in it. Don’t feel grateful. You’re the only one I want to give myself to.”
David stripped off his clothes. “I’m communing with everything I ever wanted.” He rolled me on my side and entered me easily.
“Just don’t call me Goddess. A man with his dick in my ass claiming communion with the divine is a bit much for this side of midnight.” I lost track of how many times my sissy hole spasmed violently around David’s dick and there was small stain of semen beneath me before David tastefully panted, “No one. No one but you,” before shooting his hot cum inside me. We lay for a long time, both of us silent until I asked, “Do you think we know?”
“Yes, but our minds won’t let us think about it. We just feel it.”
“What do you feel?”
“A forever that will slip through my fingers.”
“Impending betrayal.”
I rolled out of Davids arms and fetched my bottle. I returned to him and sat, opening my legs for his head on my thigh. I took a long, long pull. “How would you betray me?”
“By lying about who I am?”
I splashed a bit of champagne on his face.
His voice went dead flat. “By treating you like someone I don’t feel you are. By cooling off when I shouldn’t. By hurting you with indifference when I’m angry you don’t love me as much as I love you. By crying alone.”
“My father does that,” I said dismissively, taking another long, long pull. “I once caught him sitting on the floor against the wall after not speaking to me for two days, forearms across his knees, head resting on them, weeping. I touched the top of his head and he looked at me with tears on his face and said, ‘I love you.’ Trust me. We’re fine here.”
“What was it like for you, growing up?”
“I was sixteen when that happened. He was a bit of a bastard. Drunk. Mommy must have slapped his hand pretty hard pretty early. He almost literally never touched me.”
“What does that mean?”
“The talk was there. I’d touch him. Kisses, lap, that stuff. In retrospect, I can’t believe I gave that prick lap dances. We were in the backseat of my car, after dark, at my sister’s wedding. I was drunk. He was sober for a change. And I made a grab kiss, determined to give him the tongue for the first time. Fucker rebuffed me, called me too predatory. Mommy left him over it. I still don’t understand that. That’s when my transformation began.”
“So you did that as a boy?”
“Mmm-hmm. I look back on it as being basically Platonic, given the likely origin of the word.” I continued to swill from my nearly empty bottle. “Let’s dress, or we could end up in very comfortable security bed.’
‘I want to suck you first.”
“You fucker,” I groaned, jerking hard. I stood and grabbed my dress. “Do you see steam pipes and dim green lighting because I don’t I see a harpsichord made of whale .. .. Oh. Oh, yes. Yes!” I yelped shamefully and began spurting immediately. I lolled my head back. “I want so much to explain to the control you feel I have over you but can’t put your finger on.” I smiled down on him, his head in my breasts. “Chase.” We sat for the longest time. Footsteps came inevitably and a flash light around the corner of the display we hunkered behind.
“What do we have here.”
I hopped up. “Please address my breasts, sir? It’s very important to me.”
“What are you two doing here?”
“They’re innocent, sir. I brought them here. Safe too. Perhaps if I were to kiss you searched them for concealed weapons?” I kissed him deeply while clumsily fondled my tits. I pulled my head back and placed the flat of my hand over the bulge in his pants. “Time to cum now. Oh, you’re so good. We’ll get dressed and leave.” We did, and found my cabin shortly afterward.
I found my baroque opera mask in short order. There’s no such thing as overpacking. Studded with real pears on silver and framed in white fox fur. “It’s Friday. There’s classical music on deck at midnight and fireworks. Please change. Into a tuxedo.”
“One condition.”
“You don’t even have to phrase it as a question.”
“You’re going to take three hits of high-power blotter acid.”
My mouth opened and closed. “Well.” He shook six loose hits onto the bed and began breaking them up with his thumbnail. Without pomp or circumstance, I stooped to retrieve three with my tongue. “Cocaine, David. Next time.”
We arrived with me in a bandage dress and indoor slippers, my hair done to perfection, just Eine Kleine Nacht Music opened. David must have sensed my panic. “You won’t freak out. No one will ever know a thing,” he breathed with quiet confidence in my ear. He didn’t look so certain as I laughed hysterically through Death and the Maiden. When the firework let loose, in ecstasy,. I cried, “and a rata-tat-tat.”
Mozart – Eine Kleine Nachtmusik [DOVER QUARTET]
Schubert : String Quartet No.14 D minor D810(Death and the Maiden)
“You fucking whore,” David chuckled.
“What? I’m having a good time.” I straddled his lap. “You know, you always do that, Daddy. You use me for sex and then treat me like I’m a whore.”
“Is that the punchline or is there one coming?”
I gave him a meaningful look and ran into the ship. I could hear his footfalls behind me. I spun when it as clear I would overtaken. “I want time with other men. Two. My age. I’ll charge them.” I kissed him and disappeared into the dark.
“The acid?”
“Looking forward to it, daddio?” I called from out of view. “Your suite at dawn?”
“I’d hunt you down and kill you otherwise.”
Asking directions three times, made it to the casino. I sat down with drink at the roulette table and five stacks of high society. “Looking to get comped?” asked the young man to my right. “This is a cruise ship.”
“These chips are all the same color.”
“They all are.”
“That’s a lie, faggot. Oh, I’m sorry. You’d fuck me silly any day, wouldn’t you? Let me blow on your hand for luck.” I did. “I suck a good dick too, God! Fuck off! Why are those lines moving?”
“What are you looking for here. You’re in no shape to gamble.”
“Money. I want you to pay me to fuck me and oh fuck yes am I worth.” I tossed a chip on red. “That’ll pay for your hour. I want two at once. Makes me feel worthy.”
“Worthy?”
“Of cumming.”
“Let’s get these chips back to the counter.”
“And we need you a friend. There’s something about two men, both sating themselves on me, both desperate to cum, gratifying themselves with my body. It makes me feel just the right ratio whore and goddess.”
“Which plays a greater part?”
“It pivots with my excitement. I mean, when I feel that a man’s entire existence has devolved into his need to cum inside me, he can treat me like the filthiest tramp in the world. Remember that for later should arise. Hey! Hey! How big’s your dick? Be honest. We will throw you the fuck out.”
“About six inches of penetration.”
“What’s your name?”
“Steven.”
I looked up at my companion. “Introduce yourself.”
“Bobby.”
“Now let’s hit the bar for some drinking and teasing and necking and then you and, yeah you too, follow me back to my suite and hit me. Oh, I have a ten inch cock.”
“You on your meds?”
“Of course. I’m also drunk and on high power blotter acid, so go easy.” I ran my tongue up Bobby’s jawline. “Is the cock a problem? It never is. I just want to make sure. And you can put that on your toast.” I stretched my arms out, palms up, and started doing a little dance with my feet and hips. They probably thought I was an idiot but I could have both their wallets and phones in three minutes and they seemed to sense this. “And the drink will flow, and the blood will spill, and if Fate wants to fight, you’d better let her. Order me a quadruple bourbon, straight to the rim. The light’s doing fucking crazy shit off the water. Me want to watch.” I scratched my head as an orangutan would. “Liquor. Cobb Salad. Me want. You get.” I blinked. “Which one of you is the hot one? I can’t tell right now. Is it Bobby? Is it Steven?”” I laid down my empty champagne bottle and spun it. I couldn’t remember his name. “And you’re it.” I draped my hands behind his neck and kissed him deep but leisurely. “Other person? Could you please take the order of the man in my arms. And bring a pitcher of vodka martinis, shaken and dirty as shit, to keep us fueled.” I lit another cigarette and laid back in a lounger. “Do you want me to suck you off?” I asked without interest. “Don’t fuck my face. I spent forever on my hair and I’m meeting up with my inexorable life-sculpting love person later.” I raised my eyebrows. “I’m a slut and he’s Daddy’s age an we’re both rich so he can’t pamper me, so this feels very okay for now.”
“You are talking about him.” Man #1 unbuckled his belt. “Irrumabo.”
“Irrumator,” I sighed. I sat on the edge of the lounger and grasped it by its shaft. “Mentula elison.” I bathed the head of his cock with my tongue until he was shifting heavily on his feet before taking it into my mouth. I sucked it firmly, my tongue fluttering about the bottom. When I heard Man #2 return with our food and liquor, I pulled my head from the dick and, smiling broadly, said “now” as I stroked it. He immediately erupted onto my shoulder.
“Jesus,” he said, staring down at the large bulge in my dress.
“Yeah,” I said, shaking out my hair and leaning back. Sucking off a strange man always does that to me. Oh,” I glanced down at my shoulder. “It’s bubbling and hot pink, forming calligraphy on the surface. We’re all thinking about what we’re all thinking about, aren’t we?”
“I was wondering if anyone else could see the boiling pink cum.”
“Me too.”
I lit a cigarette. “This is the strangest life I’ve ever known. Is that my bourbon?”
Man #2 dropped a decanter on a table spattered between the loungers and chairs and poured four airline bottles of Jim Beam into it. Straight to the rim. I smiled. I exhaled. “So you’re both legal? The correct answer is ‘yes.'”
They both nodded.
“I’m older than both of you and college students don’t take cruises. Are you taggers or something?”
“I’m looking for evidence of human cannibalism in middle america.’
“LAMF”
I burst out laughing. “I am so going to get you two to have sex with each other.”
“LAMF?”
“Like A Moher Fucker.”
“I’d give the Panamanians a good looking into. I heard Noreiga was into the occult.”
“What does the occult have to do with cannibalism?”
I rolled my eyes. Idiot. “Where there’s a kris.”
“They usually burn the bodies.”
I nodded sagely. “Immolation.”
Man #2 rolled his eyes.
Setting down my glass, I called. “Martini time!”
“Are you sure?”
My lipped pulled back around grit teeth. I shook my head. “I’m not sure I want to remember this.” I took another pull from my cigarette. “Was there some sort of official moratorium on the production of Aerosol?” I glanced at each. “Sorry. I do that.”
“Why are you here?”
“To ensure my nervous breakdown occurs in international waters, but I have someone to complain to about that. I just haven’t really brought it up with him. I haven’t slammed the Irish to him either yet, so maybe there just hasn’t been time.”
“Was that a joke?”
I smiled, struggling to keep the pain from my face. “You’ll never know.” Smiling wider, I kicked my feet up in his lap. He began to take a shoe off. “You don’t have to. I want another thousand.” He took the she off and began rubbing my foot.
Man #1 and Man #2 helped me back to my suite after I vomited over the railing. One pulled the blanket back while the other slid me under the sheet, fully clothed. “Bag!” I called softly. I took my two-chip roulette winnings and held them out. “Merci beaucoup.” Man #1 kissed me on the forehead and the two left. I woke to the doorbell going insane.
I hopped out of bed and ran to the intercom, pushing back half-formed memories of the night before. “What’s the password?”
“You’re the hottest bitch in this place.”
“On Saturdays, it’s actually ‘I want to domesticate you,’ but we’re new.” I punched the green button and David strode in.
“What’s the matter? Is God’s Little Gift on the rag?”
I laughed, covering my mouth. “Fuck you, prick.”
“It’s 11am,” David growled through clenched teeth.
“Last night didn’t go as planned.”
“Fuck,” he sighed, sinking into a table-side chair, panting. He smiled, staring down at his hands. “I’ve married women over less, you know.”
I straddled his lap and kissed him deeply and then cupped two curled fingers under his chin. “I’m happy. Truly purely happy for the first time in years. Be careful what you say to be cute. I’m falling for you.”
“Baby, you’re so perfect in so many ways. It’s just so much. I never would have dreamed I could love someone like you.”
“David, you just said I’m not your type. Do you have a filter? Aww, fuck it.” I leaned down and we necked for several minutes. David’s hand groped under my dress to grass my ten-inch girl clit.
“I’m ready for you,” he moaned, in between kisses.
“I want to clean the shit off it from last night first,” I said, struggling to maintain a poker face at Daviid’s expression of disbelief. I leaned close to his ear. “I got very drunk, threw up over the ship railing, and two complete gentlemen helped me back to my cabin.”
“Baby, that worries me. It makes it sound like you’re not in control of your own life.”
“Thank you for not using the term ‘tailspin,” I said with nasty sarcasm, climbing off him. His hand held onto to my ass check as I pulled away.
“This is serious. I can tell. I don’t know the backstory.”
I down at him, holding back tears. “Chase,” I managed in a bubbly voice. I kicked off my shoes and ran from the suite. “Help!” I cried in the dining room. “That man has a flamethrower and he’s trying to kill me.” David was immediately tackled, football style, by a burly young man. “You let Daddy up!” I cried in a pouty voice.
“He can’t keep his flamethrower.”
I rolled my eyes. Idiot. “No time. Your bus is leaving.”
The young man glanced about in a fevered stare and stood.
“Relax, you didn’t get here by bus. You’re cool.”
“Didn’t you deliver a pizza to our frat house week before last?”
“Possibly. Now please don’t molest Daddy.” I stifled a groan. “Daddy, chase means catch.”
“You’re faster than I am barefoot.”
I smiled giddily and took off running again, planning a round-about circuit to David’s suite. Jack had doubtlessly fought already. “If you want to fuck . . .” I called over my shoulder. David’s door closed with the shower running and me inside. He climbed in, roughly spun me around, urged my back down and sunk into me. He gave me a cursory fucking that only scratched the itch of wanting to be fucked, but then perhaps that’s what we were feeding off, of wanting specifically David to make me helplessly cry out for his dick so I could feel I belonged to him, limp in his arms while I came.
“Take me to the bus station,” I commented dryly as he got out of the shower.
“You loved it. Good as it gets this morning.”
“No. If that’s your best, your best won’t do.”
“I think that’s a Twisted Sister lyric.”
“Who?”
“You’ve got a point there,” he said, walking into the bedroom with a towel hung over his shoulder.
I cut the water off and scampered after him. Pressing my breasts into his back and wrapping my arms haphazardly across his chest, I hooked a thigh in between his legs. “I want you to hold me Daddy.”
“Why do I feel this is a joke I don’t get?”
“Because I want this to just be your imagination.”
“To hurt me because you’ve been hurt? To toy with me because you can? Because you’re emotionally frigid?”
“No, for when you leave.” The tears began to flow. “For when you fucking leave, David.” I doubled over, holding my face and sobbing. “You know. You must. We’re both so affected we can’t tell anymore. And we had our reasons. Mine was named Richard. I became this fucking person for Richard. .Built her, constructed her over two years or more. We had two weeks together and I might as well never have heard from him again. I know you know. You aren’t the person you are for me or any of the rest of them. And God, they don’t try to help. Not for a minute. And then they complain that we want them rich and beautiful when those characteristics are indistinguishable from the others that, in truth, they might as well be. At least we feel we’ve accomplished something that way.”
David held my head to his chest and rocked, foot to foot. “You’re one of the beautiful people and not one of the gray people. It’s like this for all of you.”
“All of you?”
“Against reason, I’ve held onto some of my innocence. Fate? When you say you constructed this woman?”
“I made myself irresistible,” I sobbed, biting the back of my wrist.
