There’s so much fear in knowing that I love Lea beyond what is avaialble to the typical human experience, and there’s doubt that springs from this fear and anger that it might not be so. And other things as well that I’m too tired to get into. But I figured out how. I can’t do it yet, but I figured out how to resolve all of this. I have to embrace the truth that she possesses me the way she would an earing. When I write that I am hers, I do not mean my heart. I look into my soul and see my love for her looking back at me. But I do not mean that either. I’m so scared that it’s not real right now, that she couldn’t play with my head not to get me to do what she wanted me to do but to get me to feel how she wanted me to feel. I am an avatar of love for her and I long for her to play out her fascination with it to my utter helplessness.
