I just took my ass with the dick my mommy bought me, the dick she used to take me with, her own son, the dick I need so very much for you to take me with one day. I lay on the sofa facing the windows with the blinds open while I did so, not to take pleasure in people seeing, but so they could see and especially so they could see my penis squirt gobs of ejaculate so they know I can get off that way and it’s not caprice that has me want to have sex that way at first. And I also promised whoever might be there that I would not use my hand to tug cum from my penis for you for a full week, that I would only coax it out from my ass. Part of the reason is that I want to establish that I’m withholding something from each of us.
I did all this for me. I feel more whole than before. I feel peaceful, placated by my lust, knowing my ass responds just thoughts of you like that. I want to believe that fucking my ass will be a need that cannot be filled, that screwing it will slake the knowledge of the need, but that the need will not diminish. I suppose it simply doesn’t matter. You will fuck me. And, at the least, I will be grateful for my Karma. And maybe I’ll find something within the experience of you fucking my ass that will help me make sense of us, that I’ll stop railing away inside myself – and you’ve seen the curtain come down. That part of me mostly pleases me because he worships you like a goddess. There’s no shame in abasing myself before your divinity. I am pleased just to have been granted an audience.
So to understand and accept that that’s part of who I am and be okay with it as opposed to taking time out to indulge.
