I have been in love with Lea for over twenty years. I do not love her, I have been in love with her. I’ve grown used to it over the years. When she left, the love built gradually. I didn’t even notice it at first, just the sting of a little hurt. Fifteen months later, I was wildly in love with her. Thinking of her, day dreaming, fantasizing consumed every moment of every day. The love transformed into longing, longing that ran through me like ground glass, ravaging every part of me until I only knew her, only knew wanting her. I emerged from the longing, pain, and false hope a new person, the person that exists to love Lea. And the person that is a mere plaything for her vanity, a thrall.
She is the only thing in this world worth wanting and I need her. My body screams with it and my stomach tightens as I write this. What do I need? More than anything else, I want her to fuck me in my ass with my harness and ten and a half inch dildo. She possesses me and I would grovel at her feet for her to claim me. I want to be fucked in part because I know the way she fucks me will reveal how she feels about having my soul firmly in her grip.
I also want her to be Mommy. I’m a good boy and I know my dick only belongs in my mommy’s pussy. I have only one Mommy throughout life though she may seem different at some times. Until Lea is Mommy, I wouldn’t want to have vaginal intercourse with her, which might be three or four months. Her screwing my sissy fuck hole would be our sex life in the interim — on her schedule, not mine.
I just spent 45 minutes jerking off while thinking about everything from getting fucked in drag in front of one of your classes to eating your pussy. I’m going crazy!! Sweaty, wild-eyed, everything I get close something inside me pops and it all drains out of me. Am I wrong? Should I be doing this? Should I only use my toy? I’ll hold evening prayers tonight to honor your pussy. I’ll have to think on this. Any thoughts you want to share . . . would be ENORMOUSLY appreciated. I don’t know what’s happening.