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Some Background

I’m Nikki Janda. I love Dr Lee more than is mortally possible. What I mean by that is that my heart, mind, body, and soul belong to her. She owns all of me, and I’m relieved for it. This way I know what to think, feel, and believe and what to do and how to behave because she will force me to do those things in a way that pleases her. I’ll be able to move through life as a ghost in my own body, just experiencing, not a thought in my head, just conscious.

I also desperately want Dr Lee to fuck my sissy slut ass. I have a real taste for dick and I want her in me far, far more than any other human being. I want to know what it feels like to truly belong to her as I helplessly squeal, beg, and scream for her dick, every inhibition within me destroyed, finally myself, getting fucked by Dr Lee. I also want to know from the way she fucks me how she experiences her possession of me. I want her as a Mommy before we have vaginal intercourse. And, after that, I want to be her girl.

I to design a brand with her for her to brand my ass with on our wedding night. Oh, and I want to love her!!! I want to dote on her, to be out and out subservient at times. I would without pride, feeling no humiliation, because I

accept she owns all of me. I only cum for her pussy and often while I image licking ritualistically, traveling in three or four minute cycles, always the same, as though she is my Goddess and her vagina is my temple. I soak the alter to her vagina in cum almost every night. I bask in being owned by her and then beg her to fuck me. Yes, I’m a sissy. And Dr Lee owns all of me, so I’m her sissy.

My mind works differently in a way Dr Lee can exploit. She can literally tell me what to believe. It won’t take the place of what I already believe, but I will want very much to believe what she tells me to for a week or two. Additionally, she could likely manipulate behaviors from me with as little as, “Do you know that I love it when . . .” Or, “Don’t be like that. Be a good boy and . . . I know you love being a good boy.” Or, “Nicole. I want you to listen carefully and remember that these words are true and that you are happy that they’re true. Who am I? I’m Dr Lee, and Dr Lee controls your soul. In death, your will will fall before mine. You love the thought of that, don’t you? It’s so true, Nicole. So true. My whims and caprices rule you in life as well. So you don’t have to know why. You just have to do it. Then lie on the sofa and cast yourself adrift in your love for me.”

Posts

Visual Portfolio, Posts & Image Gallery for WordPress
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Conceit
Fantasies of Mistress
Love Poems
Truth. Trust. It is the same.
Worshipping Lea's Pussy

Audio

Date 3 weeks ago
Views 76 Views
Oh, and Mistress, someone else told me today that you’re worried because of your age. I can’t believe that. Okay. I don’t look for sex. At all. Because my relationship with Mommy, in her mid-sixties, for a few years had a sexual component. Part of it is faith that my dick only belongs in Mommy’s pussy. But part is simply “Why?” I’ve been in love with you for over 20 years, Mistress Lea. It paints onto you perfectly. I remember from the few times I stopped by your office. Fifty-eight was my cutoff for an older woman when I was in my 20s. Seriously, your age is utterly fucking irrelevant, if you’ll excuse my language and my correcting you.

I Probably Should Anyway

Date 4 months ago
Views 302 Views
There was that one hallucination that got and remains shuffled off onto you, but we both know it’s not really you, just indistinguishable in my mind. Then there was Lauren who I loved for three weeks out of loneliness and realized the last day I didn’t. Then there was Grainne but, as my shrink noted, you can’t fall in love when there’s always a hang-up button four inches away, Then, over a period of two and a half years, I fell in love with Elaine.

If it needs explaining

Date 1 year ago
Views 1,233 Views
I want Mistress Lea only to fuck my ass until the emotional dynamic between us evolves. I can imagine our first time, her pounding me, miles away, lost in a vainglorious dream while I understand that I actually belong to her. I want this, as much for me as for her. I would prefer that we not have vaginal intercourse until I feel some mother-son love for her. I prefer it to romantic love. It feels like a smooth transition, one that I want to make. In the meantime, my ass will be hers any time, any day, any which way she wants it. It’s how I was meant to be with her.

A More Whimsical Fantasy

Date 1 year ago
Views 26,420 Views
I’m still entirely consumed for days on end by my love for the Lea my mind invented on its own and I need to see you to reconcile that person with the reality of you because I feel that I’m betraying you when I just engaging in flirtations with other women. I am yours, Lea, and I can’t have you sitting like a ghost in the corner of any relationship I have. Please help me be free of the unending torment of this love that can find no outlet, help me sate my ravenous need to know.

One thing that “makes it worse”

Date 2 years ago
Views 873 Views
I fell in love with you and the Lea in my head, I was still a virgin, so that love is the love of a virgin. You are as close to perfect as anything can be in this world and there’s not a single other thing I want. My life should become nothing at all but laying the groundwork for a shot at a relationship with you. Loving you as a virgin loves you entails thinking there cannot be a substitute for you that I would not loathe an hold in contempt.

I broke every night

Date 2 years ago
Views 1,273 Views
I’ll absolutely always love you, Mistress. And, yes, of course you can fucking brand me. I hope you understand that I have no other path to take. Any path that does not lead towards you leads away from meaning, understanding, love, purpose, and self-discovery — I will not know who I am until you allow me to be the person who is best suited for us. Until then, I am a hush. Without you, I am not less than a person, I am an absence, a void. My soul is a sucking darkness that tears at me. With you, it would inflame and burst, leaving a mind, a heart, and a body that delighted only in your happiness, pleasing you, and doing as you wish.

I Hope It Pleases You

Date 2 years ago
Views 1,314 Views
I just took my ass with the dick my mommy bought me, the dick she used to take me with, her own son, the dick I need so very much for you to take me with one day. I lay on the sofa facing the windows with the blinds open while I did so, not to take pleasure in people seeing, but so they could see and especially so they could see my penis squirt gobs of ejaculate so they know I can get off that way and it’s not caprice that has me want to have sex that way at first. And I also promised whoever might be there that I would not use my hand to tug cum from my penis for you for a full week, that I would only coax it out from my ass. Part of the reason is that I want to establish that I’m withholding something from each of us. I did all this for me. I feel more whole than before. I feel peaceful, placated by my lust, knowing my ass responds just thoughts of you like that. I want to believe that fucking my ass will be a need that cannot be filled, that screwing it will slake the knowledge of the need, but that the need will not diminish. I suppose it simply doesn’t matter. You will fuck me. And, at the least, I will be grateful for my Karma. And maybe I’ll find something within the experience of you fucking my ass that will help me make sense of us, that I’ll stop railing away inside myself – and you’ve seen the curtain come down. That part of me mostly pleases me because he worships you like a goddess. There’s no shame in abasing myself before your divinity. I am pleased just to have been granted an audience. So to understand and accept that that’s part of who I am and be okay with it as opposed to taking time out to indulge.

The Real Lea

Date 2 years ago
Views 1,711 Views
She was already upon me, hands holding my face, her tongue deep in my mouth. “It’s fucking true,” she hissed. Glaring down at me with wild eyes and nodding, she pulled my head to her breast and filled me with pain as I began to nurse, everything a too-fast oblivion of need. I could feel her pain, draw it from her. It coursed and prickled through my veins, not shared but shamelessly offered and, with it, her. Enlightenment describes nothing, not one thing in this world. To call anything enlightenment is to profane the word. Anything but this. I felt no shackles of a conjoined spirit, but we understood each other and, with that, clarity — numb to the pain of understanding. “This is right.” The cold breeze of her pleasure. “Peace is so fleeting.” She smiled, lolling her head at my rictus of fear. “You can have me, Bobby. I’ll course through your blood until you scream for escape from what we’ve become, though your only happiness will be found in accepting it, in submitting.” Guang leaned in close and with more sing-song to her voice than usual, said softly, “This is forever.”
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